Chapter 8: Heliopolis

It was rather incongruous to see nothing but rows and rows of army cots, and the white-robed nurses flitting about in rooms that were manifestly intended for luxurious divans and the evening dress of fashion. Lying in those cots, one had but to gaze ceilingward, and forget that one was in a hospital. It required little imagination to people the rooms with the same splendour and fashion that fills Monte Carlo, and maybe, had the war not come and the gambling licence been granted, all this barbaric splendour would have been perfumed with the scents of 'attar of roses'  and ' lily-of-the-valley,' instead of 'iodoform ' and carbolic.'

Another hospital was in Luna Park, which had been built to cater to the amusement of thousands of joy-seekers, but the only joy there now was in relief from pain. It was fun to make the round of the wards, for many beds were on the scenic railway, and you would visit one poor chap in a high fever, lying amid painted ice and snow, while another nursed his broken leg alongside a precipice that might well have caused it. I walked in to see the sights one day, and passing through a cave almost fell over a bed whereon was my own brother, whose whereabouts I had been trying to discover for days. Such are the coincidences of life.

The streets of this town were spacious and -very clean and were bordered by fine buildings with granite and marble pillars and some fine masonry lacework. Unfortunately, poor taste was often shown, with plaster alongside the marble, and the stone used was too soft and already in places was crumbling. In Egypt, where it rarely rains, the climate is kind to the jerry-builder, and it is only when Jupiter Pluvius wants a laugh and sends a regular tropical downpour that the buildings that were a thing of beauty and a joy forever come to earth and are no more. 

We ourselves were on one occasion victims of this god's fun. We were told that it never rained, and our huts were built just to shelter us from the sun, but at 2 A.M. the grim old weather-god turned on the shower, and no doubt it amused him a good deal to hear our curses as we tried to shelter ourselves and tucker beneath greatcoats and waterproof sheeting. There was no chance of 'getting in out of the rain,' for there was not a waterproof shelter for miles. Egypt is not the only place, though, where the residents know least about their own climate!

Heliopolis, any way, is a skeleton of a town, for most of these buildings were merely occupied in the front, by Greek and Indian merchants who had anticipated our coming. In these shops anything could be bought, from a microbe (which was sometimes given away) to an elephant (nearly always a white one) ! However, there were silks galore. and filagree-work of beauty, but the biggest trade was done in coloured handkerchiefs, crudely worked on a sewing-machine with a design of the pyramids and 'Advance Australia.' 

The cuteness of these merchants was also evidenced in the signs on their stores. The first Australian to stroll down those streets was amazed to see, in huge lettering, ' The Melbourne Store,' next door to 'The Sydney Shop.' They even knew our slang, for here was' The " Fair Dinkum " Store,' and across the way ' Ribuck Goods.' Prices were pretty much what you liked to pay. At any rate I never failed to get an article by paying only a-quarter of the first-named price.

The most persistent of professionals were the bootblacks. You had to have your boots cleaned whether you liked it or not ! Stop for a moment to talk to a friend and there was a nigger on each foot, industriously brushing away as if his life depended on it. They would follow you on to a tram-car, and whether you got a seat or not there would be somebody working on your boots two seconds after boarding it. They soon picked up our language and its choicest words, but one word they never understood was 'No !' 

The Australianese that the ' Gyppos' picked up is not commonly used in polite society ; maybe they thought it correct English, but it was sometimes very embarrassing when walking down the street with a nurse. And some polite merchants were sorely puzzled when the effect of their well chosen words and bow was an unintentional biting of the dust.

We must pass a vote of thanks, however, to the syndicate for providing us with some ideal club-rooms. I guess the Y.M.C.A. never had such quarters before or since, and must have had
to do -some squaring of conscience in calling these 'Army Huts.' It was a hut, though, all right,
out at the camp, made of grass mats, held together : ~:,with string, but it was the usual boon and blessing to men, and I guess there were few letters left camp that weren't on Red Triangle paper. I may as well mention here, too, that the best meals I had since leaving home were in the Y.M.C.A. building in the Ezbekiah Gardens in Cairo, so here's a thank-you to those ladies and the management.